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The corn fed, Vol bred program
- Updated: February 15, 2013
So here’s the deal. With Saban (that son of a bitch) and half the rest of the conference killing it in recruiting (Hugh Freeze? HELLO?), a few keen minds came together and decided it was time for something to be done about it.
And by keen I mean warped. And by came together, I mean made an off-handed comment or two during a recent installment of The Erik Ainge show.
And thus the beginneth the Corn Fed, Vol Bred program. Cloning? Gimme a break. Cloning’s for sheep. Hey. Wait a minute…
Still, no. I mean, sure, we’re most definitely sheep, but cloning carries with it such a stigma. But good ol’ fashioned pre-arranged breeding? No stigma there. Somewhere Jimmy the Greek is looking down with an ass-backwards brand of approval.
But we can’t worry about misunderstood, deceased sports personalities of the 70s, now can we? Because we got some Volunteers to make. So, let’s do this thing. Here are the rules. Breeders have to be former Vols aged 40 or younger. Each will be excused from any commitments he or she might have. You know, pesky little things like marriages and whatnot.
So if you happen to be married to one of the Volunteers who gets called to, um, action, fear not. Because there ain’t no romance involved. Just straight ballin’. Missionary style, naturally. In a totally sterile and scientific environment.
Because these people aren’t making love. They’re making Vols.
Now. We’ll need a commissioner of sorts to oversee all these matings. Someone who knows a thing or two about making babies, but someone who also has an inordinate amount of time on his hands. Because this thing ain’t gonna happen overnight. HEY! I got the perfect guy.
Yep. You guessed it. The Commissioner of the Corn Fed Vol Bred program is none other than Travis Henry.
Let’s get started, shall we?