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Florida Gator Photoshop Debacle
- Updated: April 25, 2013
Few things delight me like seeing a hated rival look unspeakably stupid. Precisely why this Florida Gator photoshop debacle has tickled me so. Forget about the Chomp. Because these dudes are looking like Chumps.
And by chumps I mean dorks.
You know about this deal, right? Florida Gator coaches have turned to Twitter to help get their recruiting message out.
Which, in and of itself, isn’t really news. I mean, by now we all know the important role Twitter plays in recruiting, so to hear about an SEC staff tweeting messages which they hope will make positive impressions on top prospects isn’t exactly surprising.
What is surprising, however? The actual content of these tweets — from the copy right down to the photoshopped images that are attached to so many of them. They’re laughably pathetic.
One of the biggest offenders? Wide receiver coach Joker Phillips who’s tweeted some real doozies. Like this effort from April 15th.
— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) April 15, 2013
Okay. I don’t mean to be a dick, but I gotta disagree with Joker on this one. Because the message is anything but clear. “It’s now on you”? Who? Recruits, presumably? And what, exactly, is on them? Dressing up like a creepy-ass clown? And Joker does realize he’s just called his receiving corps a bunch of clowns, right?
Look, I get it — to an extent at least. Joker’s going with a Batman theme with the whole #TheJoker hashtag deal. Because, you know, his name’s Joker. And we all know how wildly popular Batman and his foils are to so many of this nation’s top prospects. Big, burly-ass dudes who are jonesing to commit to a big-name school where they can play ball and channel their inner Adam West — tatted-up beasts who run sub 4.5 forties and long to kick it with Alfred bat-cave style.
But Coach Phillips needs to be careful with that whole third-person deal he’s running with. Because John Cave Osborne thinks it’s stupid as hell, and he’s guessing recruits do, too. Too many more tweets like that, and I’m just gonna assume all “joker” references are to the brand of rolling paper. Because anyone who thinks these tweets are effective is clearly high.
Regardless, and moving right along, here’s #theJoker’s tweet from earlier today:
— Joker Phillips (@jokerphillips) April 25, 2013
Now that’s scary as shit, y’all. Only Gators get out alive! At least in this pretend game that the Joker’s depicted with his Pac-Man themed photo — the one where Gator opponents are portrayed as cute little ghosts from an iconic video game.
That is so NEAT!
What? Galaga too hard to photoshop or something?
Not to nitpick, but I probably woulda gone with a Frogger theme, if for no other reason than because Gators were actually part of that game. Remember? They doubled as fake logs. GOOD TIMES!
Either way, though, who’d not wanna play wide receiver for a dude who loves comics and joystick-operated video games? Hmm?
I think my friends over at TN Sports Radio had the best reaction to this particular photoshop tweet:
— TN Sports Radio (@TNSportsRadio) April 25, 2013
If only it were just #TheJoker who was guilty of such horrendous tweets, but alas, it is not. Offensive coordinator Brent Pease got in on the action with this masterpiece.
— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) April 15, 2013
Hey, cowboy! You really, um, Take My Breath Away. I’ll fly with you any day of the week, you damn fly guy, you. Any special plans for that thumb?
Sorry. I saw #AllPositions and just kinda ran with it.
Anyway, I’m saving the best for last. And by best, I mean worst, but I know you knew that. Here goes — Brent Pease’s effort from yesterday.
— Brent Pease (@CoachPease) April 24, 2013
We have a loser! And that loser is Brent Pease’s Harry Potter themed tweet from above. And it’s so awful that I gotta go full Clay Travis on you and spell out the five BEST things about this picture.
5 best things about Harry Potter / Florida Gator photoshop tweet
1. Harry Potter’s in it. And if you think top recruits lose their shit over Batman, you should see these dudes when HP’s in the hizzy. I mean, just look at the quarterbacks. It’s clear that these young men are absolutely starfucked by the bespectacled, broom-riding hero. And you see the message in the sky there? Wonder if Goose and them wrote it via aircraft before buzzing the tower. Talk about being all smokescreeny and whatnot.
2. Number 17 is actually suspended in mid-air. Which, I’m guessing, is a tribute to all the magic that goes down with Harry Potter! Or maybe a tribute to exceedingly shitty photoshop skills. Anyone’s guess, really.
3. NO. I’m kidding. That wasn’t photoshopped. It’s an actual image taken during Florida’s spring game. You can tell from the stands. (10,000 strong, Gator Nation. Nice work!)
4. The Gator blanket is epic. Sadly, though, it conceals Harry’s jorts.
5. The above is a gateway tweet that will lead to hundreds and hundreds of Twilight-themed Gator tweets! The progression is clear. Batman to Pac-Man to Tom Cruise to Harry Potter. You don’t exactly need a degree in molecular biology to figure out that vampires come next. Then zombies.
Though, wait, aren’t vampires technically zombies? We should ask a dork because dorks know all about stuff like that. Hang tight. I’m gonna tweet #TheJoker real quick.
Okay. I’m back. I’ll let you know if he answers.
In the meanwhile, the saddest thing about this debacle is that Florida’s presumably paying someone in their marketing department to come up with these.
And I say we start a collection and double that dude’s salary. Because he’s doing one hell of a job and I, for one, hope he keeps it up! Don’t you?