all VOL, y'all.

High point / low point moments and Brent Musberger’s pro bono.

high point low poin

Boy, was that ever a tough game for this Vol fan to watch last night. I mean, I dislike both teams. And I also dislike both coaches (especially you, Saban, you son of a bitch!). Yet one of those teams along with its coach was gonna be crowned national champion whether I liked it or not. Though, on the flip side, at least that meant that one of them would lose. Which is why I think I had so many high point / low point moments last night. So I thought I’d share a few of them with you today.

High Point / Low Point Moments

High Point
Kickoff to a BCS title game which screams: Anything can happen!

Low Point
Bama’s first drive which screamed: No it can’t.

High Point
Alabama FUMBLE! Maybe this will be a game after all!

Low Point
Ah. Not a fumble. Because the ref just called interference on a Notre Dame player who was (a) blocked into the path of the Alabama punt returner, yet (b) still never actually touched the Alabama punt returner. Great. The fix is in. As if the Tide need any help in clobbering these clowns.

High Point
When the cameras caught A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend, Katherine Webb, who is, quite simply, preposterously hot.

Low Point
When Musburger went all creepy ol’ man on her. You know, now that I think about it, I wonder if Brent was calling the game for free last night. Because it sure sounded like he had a pro bono situation going on. Check it out. You can totally tell from this 33-second clip.

And while we’re at it, can we talk about McCarron’s mom? Because as you could tell from the YouTube clip above, Brent kinda went pro bono on her, too. And he’s not the only one. Clay Travis has been oogling over A.J.’s mom for months.

Probably as good of a time as any to tell you that the woman’s name is Dee Dee Bonner. So, you take out an and, admittedly, Dee Dee’s a boner with a capital B.

But in name only, folks, hence my confusion at Clay’s fixation.

Don’t get me wrong. Dee Dee’s lovely. But I believe Clay described her as a “smoke show,” and that, my friends, she’s not.

Does she have assets?

Clearly. (By the way, how bummed do you think the woman with the tomato-colored face on the left is? She’s probably like Just my luck. I go out and get a face peel on the very day I pose next to A.J.’s mom’s assets for a picture that just happens to go viral, thus ensuring that everyone in the world will see the one time I made the questionable decision to attend a fancy gathering while looking like an embarrassed Oompa Loompa.)

Still, assets notwithstanding (though Dee Dee’s appear to be doing just that – standing, that is…), I don’t see anything more than another face in the crowd.

high point low point

Reasonably attractive woman. Looks young, too. But she ain’t no smoke show.

See the stuff you’re forced to contemplate during the most lopsided BCS title game in the history of ever?

Moving right along…

High Point
When A.J. McCarron FINALLY took a pretty good shot from a lineman.

Low Point
When I realized it was his own lineman, center Barrett Jones.

High Point
When I realized that meant that the two were involved in what Musburger categorized as a “lovers’ quarrel.” (Boy, someone sure had amore on his mind last night, no?)

Low Point
When he and Herbstreit wouldn’t let it go and documented every little element of the McCarron-Jones spat, right up to the awkward leap-hug-ass-pat-make-up thing they pulled at the very end.

High Point
When Saban was about to get the Gatorade shower, but not because it signified his fourth BCS title in the past eight years (which is freakin’ sick-o, by the way). Instead, because I wanted to see what it’d do to all the creative combing Saban’s got going on with his coif.

Low Point
When the shower fell short, bouncing pathetically off Saban’s back, which meant his creatively combed hair remained intact. If I’m not mistaken, Barrett Jones was one of the players who executed the maneuver and the dude’s 6’5”. Even if Saban had been rocking his shoe lifts, Jones still would have had him by quite a few inches. So how could it be that he and his teammates missed Saban’s hair?

I’ll tell you how. A little thing called respect. They know damn well Saban’s pretty sensitive about his bonnet. This despite the fact that Saban’s never once uttered any words to that effect. He’s never had to.

He tells them with his eyes.

And with the sound of the hair dryer which emanates from behind his locked office door.

High Point
The horribly lopsided and uninteresting game that pitted my two least favorite teams against one another for the ultimate trophy was finally over.

Low Point
So, too, was college football.

High Point
Notre Dame lost and proved to the world what many suspected. Namely that they kinda sucked. And I don’t like Notre Dame one single bit.

Low Point
Alabama won and proved to the world what many suspected. Namely that they kinda got a dynasty thing going on. And I don’t like Alabama one single bit.

Still, though, at least it was another one for the SEC.

Your thoughts on the BCS champion ship game?

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facebook comments:

  • Leatherhead Jones

    I went out with A. J.’s mom…she’s not all that in the morning…just saying…

    • all VOL, y’all.

      she sure seems to have a bit of a butterface situation going on, Leatherhead.