all VOL, y'all.

Unsubstantiated report links Hurricane Sandy with UT’s sluggish defensive performance against South Carolina

AVY is looking into an unsubstantiated report that suggests Tennessee’s sluggish defensive performance against South Carolina could possibly be attributed to Hurricane Sandy.

Sandy has forced coastal communities all along the Eastern Seaboard to prepare for high winds, flooding and heavy snow sure to come from the “super storm” expected once the front merges with an Artic stream.

The hurricane has already forced eight states to declare a state of emergency and even though South Carolina isn’t one of them, it seems as if the palmetto state has, indeed, been affected by Sandy — but not in the conventional way which one might expect.

You see, several cities in South Carolina have experienced a sudden infestation of a rare insect indigenous to Cuba known as the salfly. The cities which have reported the highest incidence of these mysterious flies? Charleston, Hilton Head Island and, that’s right, Columbia.

But what does that have to do with Hurricane Sandy, you might be wondering?

Well, it’s believed that the flies originally got caught in a high pressure system that formed off the coast of Havana — the very high pressure system which meteorologists have identified as the genesis of Hurricane Sandy. Presumably, the flies traveled with the front, unable to escape its swirling winds until Hurricane Sandy dissipated for a brief period of time just off the coast of South Carolina, thus presenting a small window for their escape.

Okay, great, but how could these flies affect a damn football game, right?

Well, salflies usually appear in droves and are known to secrete an unpleasant scent which scientists have proven to be disorienting, often causing confusion among those in their immediate area — chaos even — and, in some cases, brief manifestations of vertigo have been experienced.

The unsubstantiated report claims that droves of flies were present in the Tennessee locker room both before the game and at halftime, and that these flies hovered almost exclusively about the defensive unit. One source even confirmed that a few flies could be seen during the game buzzing around on the Tennessee sideline, again, almost exclusively around UT’s defensive unit. Though it’s impossible to be certain, the unsubstantiated report claims these flies were, indeed, salflies.

Which, when you think about it, might explain why the Vols gave up over 500 yards to yet another SEC opponent. Because they did, indeed, look confused and chaotic out there, and given the wide-open receivers Connor Shaw had at his disposal time and time again? Sorry folks, but vertigo canNOT be ruled out.

Now, I’m not saying I’m necessarily buying all of this. But I do think it’s weird that there’s been a reported sighting of an insect which has been scientifically proven to cause the very symptoms which seemingly plague our defense.

And after I google-imaged “salfly” to see what it looked like?

I dunno, y’all. I’m sorta starting to believe it could be legit. Check it out.

Hmm. Wonder if this salfly thing’s been affecting us the entire year.

I’m going with yes.

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facebook comments:

  • NorthKnoxVol

    Damn that Salfly. I knew something stank. I am really at a loss for how our defense, particularly the secondary has struggled so much. Confusion and chaos…

    • all VOL, y’all.

      don’t forget vertigo.