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The post where I make fun of the Kentucky Ole Miss game

Kentucky Ole Miss Game

Adam Kennedy grabs Marshall Henderson’s jersey while offering up some choice words for his star.

For those of you who watched the Kentucky-Ole Miss game last night, you no doubt noticed the heated exchange between Rebel shooting guard Marshall Henderson and head coach Andy Kennedy. And I don’t know about you, but I found it very comforting.

Because it’s not just me — even Henderson’s own coach wants to kick his ass.

I have any number of thoughts about Marshall Henderson, and at some point, I’ll probably dedicate an entire post to the SEC’s most polarizing baller. But today, all I wanna do is tell you what I learned last night by watching Henderson’s game, his body language, his interaction with his coach, and even his interaction with the Ole Miss student section:

This small kid with the big mouth, while compelling, is a loser. Because when the going gets tough, as it did last night when he was forced to play big-boy basketball against Nerlens Noel and company, his self-serving attitude will trump his God-given talent. You watch. Marshall Henderson will ultimately prove to be someone who can’t get out of his own way, which will not only be his downfall, but also his team’s.

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But who wants to talk only about that punk when there were so many other things about that game to dissect? I mean, it was the biggest star-studded affair since, I dunno, the Inauguration, maybe? Speaking of, Bill Russell was in the house down in Oxford:

kentucky ole miss game

Sadly, Ashley Judd, was not. (Wonder if it’s because Judd and Dario Franchitti are ending their 11-year marriage?) That’s okay, though, because America’s favorite self-smitten blowhard, Fox News anchor Shephard Smith (an Ole Miss grad) did manage to make the big game.

Apparently he danced around during TV timeouts while wearing a Marshall Henderson jersey.  And after giving the matter great thought, I’m still unsure whether this makes me hate Henderson more, or, perhaps, if it makes me hate Smith more.

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Anyway, there were some stars on the court, too. You know, aside from Henderson. Like Nerlens Noel. And I love Nerlens’ game. That dude gets up and down like a pogo stick. Limited offensively, and a flat-out liability from the free-throw line, Nerlens still managed to dominate the game thanks to blocking a DOZEN Rebel shots and altering the course of countless more.

What’s even more impressive is how many of those blocks / alterations came while Noel was shackled with four fouls. He’s got incredible body control — always able to go straight up and back down on the exact same plane, often without even so much as grazing the offensive player.

I haven’t seen a college hoop player dominate a game like that without really scoring since Anthony Davis did the very same thing for the very same team in last year’s championship game.

No. I don’t think the Cats will get that far this year. But I do think they’ll make the tourney. And if so, no one in their right minds will wanna face them, thanks largely to Nerlens.

And while all that’s well and good, my very favorite thing about Nerlens is this little-known fact (a fact I mentioned on aVy’ a few posts back, now):

Nerlens is the illegitimate lovechild of Chris Rock and Grace Jones.

kentucky ole miss game

As dominant as Nerlens was last night in Kentucky’s 87-74 victory, he was only half the story. The other half was Kyle Wiltjer. Yes. Archie Goodwin was phenomenal. And, yes, Ryan Harrow had his moments, too. But neither could boast the game’s high-point total. That honor went to Wiltjer which is exactly why he was the other story of the game.

Well, that, plus the fact that he’s a dead ringer for former Utah great / NBA journeyman, Keith Van Horn. With maybe a splash of American Idol alum, Clay Aiken.

Van Aiken

Who, it should be noted, kinda looks like a cross between Reba McIntire and (the original) Willy Wonka.

kentucky ole miss

OOOH. Wait a minute. I think I was off on that one. No. Now that I think about it, Clay Aiken looks more like a mashup of…


Sean White and Danny Bona-what-his-fuck. Anyway, now that we’ve got that settled, back to the game.

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Kyle Van Aiken Wiltjer flat-out went off last night, going 10-19 from the field, 5-12 from behind the arc and was, by far, the whitest player on the court. That dude was BORN to play for Kentucky. Or Kansas, maybe.

It’s like he was an extra on Hoosiers or something. I’ll bet you like 100 bucks that he’s related to Phil McConkey. I mean, hell, he makes Skyler come off like Ramar Smith.

Anyway, homeboy got off and it was fun to watch. So, too, was the game. Only one problem. I didn’t know who I was for. On the one hand, it’s always nice to see Kentucky lose. On the other, we’re done playing Ole Miss, but have one more against the Wildcats, and we need as many chances for quality wins as possible. So, to that end, I figured a Kentucky win was in the Vols’ best interest from an RPI perspective.

Which does not mean that I was cheering for Kentucky, mind you.

Instead I was rooting against Ole Miss. And that asshat of a shooting guard of theirs. Which wasn’t that hard to do. At all.

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