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8 reasons Monte Kiffin is a great hire in big D

Monte Kiffin

From Tennessee to USC to big D.

I heard it first on Twitter. Jerry Jones hired Monte Kiffin as the new defensive coordinator for the Dallas Cowboys. Immediately, I knew the tweet contained an error. Because Monte Kiffin may have just been hired in big D, but he sure as hell isn’t the new defensive coordinator.

At 72, he’s the old one.

In firing previous defensive coordinator Wolf Man Jack Rob Ryan, Jones cited a couple of early-season losses as key factors which drove his decision. And, hey, it’s Jerry’s team, so he can do whatever he wants, but the two losses he cited weren’t exactly ones you could pin on the defense.

In their week two loss to Seattle on the road, two special-teams turnovers immediately put Dallas behind the eight ball 10-0 (they lost 27-7). And in their loss at home to Chicago two weeks later, Tony Romo threw five picks.

All of which has left many debating whether or not the firing made sense. But not me. Because I’ve been too busy analyzing the Monte Kiffin hire to give a rip about any of that. And as puzzling as it may be on some levels — loading the future of your franchise on the slumped shoulders of a 72-year-old man who’s spent the last four years getting his ass handed to him in college? — it makes perfect sense on so many others.

Here are 8 reasons why Monte Kiffin is such a good hire for Dallas.

Monte Kiffin’s comb over

Monte Kiffin’s comb over is tremendous. It makes Donald Trump’s situation look like little more than a garden-variety bowl cut. I mean, Monte swirls that shit around like a cinnabon.

And Jerry’s no dummy. He knows that Monte’s combover is bound to deflect some of the attention his plastic surgery gets.

monte kiffin

What are you laughing at, Jerry? At least I don’t look like Skelator.


One thing you can say about a 72 year old man is that he certainly has experience. So, too, do his defensive schemes. Hell, his renown Tampa 2 just turned Tampa 28.

Monte Kiffin used to work for his son, Lane

Which means that Monte Kiffin knows what it’s like to work for a self-absorbed prick. Always key when you decide to join Jerry’s circus.

Dallas doesn’t play Oregon

Which is good because they’ve hung 150 points on Monte Kiffin the past three years.

Monte Kiffin’s window is also closing

Dallas has one, maybe two more years to get it done as currently constituted. Assuming Monte still has what it takes to befuddle NFL offensives (which is a big assumption), I bet his window’s about the same.

Kiffin’s memory

Word on the street is that Monte Kiffin’s memory isn’t quite what it used to be. Which was apparently a key reason why he landed the job. Jerry’s hopeful he’s forgotten all about how bad he’s sucked it the past four years.

It’s always nice to have company

And I bet Jerruh gets lonely sometimes. So think how nice it’ll be for him to have another crazy ol’ man running around the complex to keep him company.

Another scapegoat for Tony

So, next year, when Dallas fails to make the playoffs after an ugly loss in the final week of the season where Tony throws a critical pick at the end of the game, they can just blame Monte. He won’t mind. Hell, he may not even remember.

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