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The Johnny Manziel Show: Day 2 of the SEC Media Days
- Updated: July 17, 2013
Yesterday, I recapped the first day of action here at the annual SEC Media Days.
Day 2 ranged from the boredom of watching someone look at a picture of someone watching paint dry to the excitement of seeing an offense take the field against Tennessee’s defense last season. Johnny Manziel continued to fight for his right to party, Brett Bielema introduced himself to the south, and Tiny Richardson had his national coming out party.
The Coordinator of Officials Steve Shaw: “No more hitting the other players hard unless they are ready.”
The big news of rule changes came from the declaration that “targeting” a player will no longer be tolerated and will be punished with Game-of-Thrones-like vengeance. No, there will not be beheadings, but players will be ejected from the game and suspended for the second half of the next game if found guilty.
Also, a minimum of three seconds must be remaining to spike the ball to stop the clock- Les Miles is going to be so confused when he hears this tomorrow.
Kevin Sumlin: “Sooooo….. you guys got anything you want to talk about that doesn’t rhyme with Donny Bootfall?”
I originally thought that Kevin Sumlin hated last year’s question session about how hard it would be for his little team from Texas to compete in the mighty Southeastern Conference, but after a twenty minute session of nothing but questions about his diva quarterback’s hydration levels.
I’m pretty sure the Mike Tomlin lookalike pretty much knew how his day was going to go when he tried to open up his statements with a failed joke attempt about referees.
Don’t ever joke about officials like that, Kev.
Johnny Manziel: “I guess I feel like Justin Bieber”
Look, Johnny Boozeball, I’m on your side. I’ve been there. OK, no, fine, you got me… I’ve never won a Heisman. Sure, fine. I’m not boys with LeBron either.
But you know what, Johnny?
I HAVE seen Peyton Manning. I don’t think he noticed me, but he was at Copper Cellar. If he had seen me, he would have been disappointed that I too had been drinking for most of the day had a headache that day and probably overslept.
Bro, I’m something like the Justin Bieber of Knoxville people that likes to talk about sports. Whenever I have drunk some Southern Comfort, I like to be comfortable; not throw football to little kids.
I want you to be you. You mentioned it at least five times, but I know you are not Tim Tebow. We do not want you to be Tim Tebow. You did not want to comment on the fact that A.J. McCarron did not wake you up at Manning’s camp, but I know that you are really just planning on mackin’ on Katherine Webb and “accidentally” letting the pictures leak.
Butch Jones: “Brick by Brick we shall build a champion while playing fundamental defense and respecting our elders and not swimming for at least an hour after eating.”
The guy is full of euphemisms and sincerity that sends the perfect message to the nation on the behalf of the University of Tennessee. Everyone in the room was really just relieved that they wouldn’t have to sit through another one of Professor Dooley’s history lessons.
Nothing quotable from Butch for most of the day, and that is a refreshing thing. He allowed the school to be the focal point as well as the student athletes he brought.
Tiny Richardson: “I know that you are going to continuously ask me about Clowney, and I just want you to know that they are clown questions, bro.”
Richardson was one of the main stars of Day 2. Candid responses and unbridled confidence in himself, Butch Jones, and the entire program made Tiny one of the biggest draws throughout the day.
And yes, I asked him a question about Clowney, and I know you are dying to know what I was able to uncover for the rest of the universe. Yes, he is willing to put his dreads up against Clowney’s in a “loser loses the dreads” death match in October.
Brett Bielema: “Look guys… If Gus Mahlzahn has beef, he knows where to find me.”
My large companion Brett does not like the risks that a fast paced, no huddle offense creates for players. Mahlzahn said it was a joke.
And then Brett was like “Gus shut up!”
Then my main man double-B said that he doesn’t joke about the safety of his kids, and we all immediately felt bad. Brett is not a comedian…or a doctor… or anything besides the coolest coach in the SEC.
Emotions were running high as Bielema lyrically warped around the room answering questions with the ferocity of a bear, accuracy of Robin Hood, and softness of a lamb (some poor guy in the front row had fallen asleep as Brett would point out. Brett was not mad; he just wanted everyone in the room to respect him with their sound level).
Some Bielema philosophy to live by: “Scars are a daily reminder of what you have persevered.”No joke here. That’s deep.
How many layers does this onion have?
Can I just see what life would be like if Bielema was coaching Johnny Manziel?