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Top 10 Manti Te’o documentary titles
- Updated: January 17, 2013
Like most, I’m still reeling about this whole Manti Te’o situation. But not so much that I couldn’t take some time and poke a bit of fun. Hence my ode to the debacle via this post that I’m calling Top 10 Manti Te’o documentary titles.
I do, however, have some legitimate takes and I’m sure at some point, I’ll write a more serious post about the situation, and it will likely hinge on this:
I’m skeptical. For this primary reason: if I were dating some girl I’d never met and she then had this big-ass car crash, I’m certain that I’d wanna read about it. Which is why I’d Google it. And when she died, I’m certain I’d wanna read her obit. Which is why I’d Google that. And when I came up empty on both searches, I’d be like wtf? So, to me, Manti’s either (a) not all there or (b) knows way more than he’s letting on.
Or, of course, (c) both, which is what my money’s on.
But, and again, let’s table all that serious stuff for now. Because I’m a writerly type which means I’m prone to pitching around ideas. And there are a few production houses in town and I gotta feeling that this whole Manti Te’o situation could be ripe for a, um, reality TV show. Or maybe a biography or something.
Either way, to get the attention of the production houses, I obviously need to come up with a super catchy title. Which is what I’ve been doing. Coming up with catchy titles for the Manti Te’o reality TV series and or biography that’s destined to make me millions.
Only some of the titles poke fun at Manti, because I’m kind of a dick like that.
Anyway, without further ado, I give to you the…
Top 10 Manti Te’o documentary titles
10. Fantasy. Football.
Shit. If he’s still on the board? I’m taking him with my first damn pick. I don’t even care if he doesn’t get drafted. Because that kid’s a fantasy superstar.
9. Fucking Snuffaluffagus
Big bird knows. All you gotta do is believe.
8. Manti preTe’o to be your girlfriend?
I promise I’ll be smokin’ hot. #PrettyPlease
7. Skype Encounters of the third kind
They’re only human, y’all. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little virtual POW POW at the end of a long, hard fake day.
6. Twitter and a movie
Get it? Because they’d never met in real life, but Manti still categorized them as boyfriend/girlfriend? So when they went on dates, it probably had to be something like…
Oh never mind.
5. Let’s not be so quick to rule the Mayans out
Because let’s face it, they sure fucked that whole calendar thing up. I bet they could make a mess out of a fake relationship, too.
4. Lookin’ for love in all the wrong Face(s)book profiles
If Manti’s looking to get back on the cyber horse, I hear that Gene Chizik’s wife’s on Facebook.
3. Mormon Hawaiian Catholic football players only date fake chicks. And by date I mean email. And or tweet.
I’d need to do a little research, though, to make sure the premise of that one works and all.
2. It’s smokescreeny and whatnot
Sorry. Had to get a little plug to my Grudemonium video in here somewhere.
1. Fantasy Hawaiian
I smell an Emmy, y’all.