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Weekend wrap up: from Jarnell’s HUGE game to LeSean’s small ding dong

Weekend Wrap Up

The Weekend Wrap Up

Hi everyone. It’s Weekend Wrap Up time. You know, when I wrap up what went down over the weekend in the world of sports. Maybe it’ll become a regular segment. Wouldn’t that be nice? If I ever got my shit together enough to where — BOOM — I give you a regular segment like the Weekend Wrap Up each and every Monday morning?

Only it’s not Monday morning. It’s Monday near midnight as I type these words, and I don’t think I’m gonna post this until tomorrow. Which means you probably won’t read this till Tuesday.

*he wants me. but only part of the time. he wants me. if he can keep me in line. hush, hush. keep it down, now. voices carry.*

Where was I? OH. Right. Doing my Monday morning feature — the Weekend Wrap Up — despite the fact it’s Tuesday and many of you have moved past the weekend already.

For those of you who’ve not — here are five very interesting things I learned over the weekend:

Jarnell Stokes can rebound!

I’ve been tough on Jarnell. And I’m not taking back a single word. Because I’ve meant every one of them. After the game at Ole Miss, I had the following to say:

Look, it’s this simple. He’s a physical specimen. But… he was (just) 2-3 from the field. How is a guy that menacing only taking three shots in 27 minutes? And how does a guy that physical only grab four rebounds?

So what does the dude do? He runs out and goes 7-11 from the field on his way to scoring 15 points and grabbing 18 freakin’ boards the very next game. Which, when you think about it, proves my point.

At 6’8″ and 270, there’s no way that he should ever be held to three shots and four measly rebounds. I’m not looking for the guy to get off offensively each and every game. But I am looking for him to clean the glass. Because if he just does that, I have a feeling that everything else will fall into place for him, and his team. Like it did on Saturday.

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And props to Cuonzo Martin for contacting the SEC officials about the way they call Jarnell. Love that bit about “just let him be big.” It seems as if it had an impact on the way Saturday’s game was called.

Know why Cuonzo’s plea worked? Because he’s a stand up dude who never complains about stuff like that. He ain’t no boy cryin’ wolf. He’s a man standing up for his team. I’m so sick of people calling for his head. I’m not saying that he’s 100% guaranteed to succeed long term here. But he’s certainly not done anything to make me wanna run him out of town, either. I’m hopeful that he and the Vols will finish strong this year.

Let’s see…what else…OH, I know.

Marshall Henderson — still a dick

Look what he did to the fans of Auburn after drilling the game-winning free throws:

weekend wrap up

So much to dissect here. First, you know the Auburn fans were probably wearing him out all game. I’m not saying Marshall was justified in doing what he did. I’m just pointing out a fact. Those rednecks were wearing him out. And he stepped up to the charity stripe and put them away in their house.

Then he talked a bunch of shit. Know why?

Because that’s what shit-talkers do, y’all. They. Talk. Shit.

Also, check out the girl on the right who freaks out about the poster board that flies over her. Subtle, but I like it.

And how ’bout the white-haired gentleman who stands up? I mean, you’ve got all those drunk 19 year-olds going all Billy Badass — throwin’ the birds, droppin’ the F-bombs — yet you get the sense that the only guy man enough to do anything about the Henderson situation is the Silver Fox. He probably woulda kicked Henderson’s punk ass if he weren’t sitting next to his dad.

By the way, I got that gif from SB Nation via via @Mattnorlander who, for what it’s worth, is a great follow on Twitter.

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Moving right along…

Tiger went off

When we learned what a dirty bird Tiger was, there were two camps. One felt he’d eventually regain his old form, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof. I, however, felt that so much of Tiger’s aura was just that — an aura. Much of Tiger’s greatness was wrapped up in that aura — in the fact that Tiger could be whatever he wanted people to believe he was, whenever he wanted them to believe it.

But once he was exposed, all that went out the window. Which is why I fell into the other camp — those who thought Tiger would never get close to being the dominant player everyone had come to know.

And despite his dominance over the weekend (and on Monday, as the tourney spilled over due to weather), I still don’t believe that Tiger will ever get close to being what he was.

Look, Tiger, it’s awesome that you got off to a fast start, then never looked back, but before I believe that you’re back, you gotta show that dominance at a place not named Torrey Pines, where you’ve won an astonishing eight tour events, including a US Open.

So let’s hold off on the he’s back headlines, mmm-kay?

Rondo is done

I think I’m probably in the minority here, especially given that Rajon Rondo’s (a) a bit of a polarizing figure and (b) a Kentucky Wildcat to boot, but I’m incredibly bummed that he’ll miss the rest of this year and (one can only assume) a good portion of the next.

Because, for my money, he’s the most well-rounded and entertaining NBA player to watch. Here’s to Rondo coming back better than ever next year.

And finally, the last thing I learned over the weekend:

LeSean McCoy has a small penis

WARNING — if you are easily offended — hell, even if you’re only moderately easy to offend, click out of this window immediately. If you read on and then get offended, I don’t know what to tell you.

SO. I wonder if former Vol, current Philadelphia Eagle Bryce Brown and his teammates know what the rest of the world knows. That LeSean McCoy has a small penis.

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Here’s the deal — it was the Twitter fight of all times. I first learned about it on Let’s see… how can I sum it up?

Well, it started when the LeSean (it’s French) tweeted about the vacation he was on. Enter Baby’s Mama (and a whole lotta drama). Baby’s Mama (who is LeSean’s ex) took it upon herself to correct his spelling of vacation. (He’d gone with “vocation.”) Apparently LeSean didn’t like being corrected. Or so one could gather from the string of tweets which ensued. (I’d embed them, but he deleted his Twitter account, so, instead, I’ll just have to cut and paste rom the piece to give you the gist.)

@angelface0330 man don’t ever n ya life write me about nothing…. U worthless can’t do nothing right WITHOUT ME. Sad u can’t spell or read (Tweeted the guy who just confused the words “vacation” and “vocation.”)

— Lesean McCoy (@CutonDime25) January 27, 2013

@angelface0330 no correct that … Beg for money like you been doing you BUM … Don’t ever write me on here I don’t know u waste of life

— Lesean McCoy (@CutonDime25) January 27, 2013

@angelface0330 I never look or speak to u .. Once u lied bout birth control ya life was created … B 4 that u was a nobody dirty alley grl

— Lesean McCoy (@CutonDime25) January 27, 2013

LeSean then gained control of his emotions and tweeted out a picture of his little boy with the hashtag #blessing.

Sweet, right? Till you consider that at one point, LeSean wanted his #blessing to be an #abortion, this according to Baby Mama’s ensuing tweet. But Baby Mama was only getting started. There was more over sharing to come.

If you’re interested in reading, do so from the bottom to the top:

Lot to absorb, there. First, even though LeSean can’t spell, at least it’s nice to know that he’s a, um, cunning linguist. Sad, though, that his “main man” is a cunning linguist, too. Sadder still, this keen sense of taste he’s got.

But second, OH NO SHE DIDN’T! Apparently, LeSean’s name isn’t the only thing that’s French about the NFL baller. His penis is French, too. As in it’s a oui-oui little thing. And afflicted with a pesky STD to boot.

LeSean responds by pointing out that he’d tagged Baby Mama without even knowing her name (impressive!) and then encouraged his followers to tell Baby’s Mama to “get a job n stop begging for child support money she a BUM needs me to LIVE sad!!!”

Then, after apparently realizing what an asshat he’d been, McCoy claimed his Twitter account had been hacked. By someone, I’m assuming, who knew an awful lot about LeSean’s personal life.

So how does this compelling saga end? With both parties deleting their Twitter accounts followed by a public apology issued by LeSean where he acknowledges that his account wasn’t really hacked. (No?!)

His apology, as reported by USA Today, reads as follows:

My Twitter account was not hacked. I take full responsibility and I apologize for trying to make it seem like it was not me. Due to my bad judgment and frustration, I allowed a very personal matter to be played out on a social network, of all things. It was immature and unprofessional for me to do so and to encourage others to join in.

As a parent, emotions are often magnified when there are stressful and emotional situations concerning them. I take great pride in being a good father and strive to one day be a great one. I’ve always done everything in my means to provide for my son financially, emotionally, and most importantly with my time and heart. I am sick over the fact that my actions have caused pain to him and all involved. I have decided to handle this matter privately from here on out and I thank everyone for their continued support.

Now, look, I don’t have the largest sample of LeSean’s writing, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t craft that apology. (Not enough exclamation points. LeSean likes to use those!!!! And CAPS. LESEAN LIKES CAPS, TOO!!!!!) Unless he was channeling his inner English Professor. Who doubles as his inner PR damage control guru.

Too bad, though, that the damage had already been done. Remember kids — what happens on Twitter doesn’t stay on Twitter. A lesson we can only hope that LeSean and his Baby’s Mama have now taken to heart.

So that’s it. The first Weekend Wrap Up, albeit a bit late.

GO VOLS — take down the Dores tonight. Here’s hoping Jarnell has another monster game.

source, gif source

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